Author: Skye

Following dysgraphia or dyslexia diagnoses; Supporting the brain

Skye Learning Disabilities ,
Perth Dysgraphia and dyslexia diagnosis

Has your child been diagnosised with dysgraphia or dyslexia?

I know how worrying this must be for you. It is for many parents and carers; you aren’t alone. Even better, help is available.

In this article, we’ll clarify a few misconceptions about dysgraphia and dyslexia, give you some signs to look out for, explain why children have dysgraphia or dyslexia symptoms, and what we can do to support your child’s developing brain.

Dysgraphia and dyslexia are known as specific learning difficulties (SpLD).

Specific learning difficulties or diagnoses can sometimes stem from problems with central nervous system (CNS) function resulting from retained neonatal reflexes.

Are dysgraphia and dyslexia interchangeable?

No. Dysgraphia and dyslexia are not the same. Dysgraphia is difficulty writing; dyslexia is difficulty reading. They do not necessarily occur together: your child can have one, or the other, or both.

What are the signs my child has dysgraphia or dyslexia?

Signs your child may have dysgraphia include:

  • They have messy handwriting
  • They are unable to put their thoughts down on paper
  • Tight, awkward pencil grip and body position when writing
  • Attention and focus issues at school
  • Difficulty telling shapes apart, or spacing letters
  • Trouble organizing words from left to right
  • Inability to stay within the margins of a page
  • Inability to use scissors, or hold a pencil correctly
  • Difficulty with fine motor tasks, such as tying shoelaces, doing up buttons, and picking things up
  • Unable to follow directions or rules in games
  • They often spell words incorrectly, and mix up upper (capital) and lower (small) case letters
  • They avoid writing
  • They don’t write in complete sentences
  • They have trouble telling stories
  • They leave out important facts and details of a story.

 

Signs your child may have dyslexia include:

  • Difficulty learning and using spoken and written language
  • Difficulty breaking down, combining, or manipulating word sounds
  • Difficulty converting letters to sounds
  • Slow, inaccurate reading
  • Difficulty recognizing age-appropriate sight words
  • Difficulty learning to spell correctly
  • Difficulty learning and remembering words with more than one syllable
  • Limited reading comprehension
  • Their spoken language skills are stronger than their written skills
  • Difficulty quickly naming color, object, and letter sequences
  • They need to see or hear concepts many times before learning them
  • Distracted by sights or sounds
  • A drop in school performance
  • Inconsistent school work
  • Their teachers may say, ‘If only they’d try harder with their reading’.

 

What causes dysgraphia and dyslexia symptoms?

Dysgraphia and dyslexia symptoms (along with all other learning difficulties) are not connected to low intelligence at all.

We are all born with a set of reflexes that protect our bodies (via involuntary movement), build muscle tone, and create brain connections. These are referred to using various names, including neonatal reflexes, foetal reflexes, primary reflexes, newborn reflexes, developmental reflexes, atavistic reflexes, and most commonly (though not necessarily the best term), primitive reflexes.

Children’s bodies normally integrate these reflexes as they develop, and their brains become more advanced. But in some cases, their bodies retain these reflexes for longer than is needed. This can prevent children’s brains and CNS from maturing in the ideal timeframe, which affects higher brain function and voluntary movement patterns.

When this happens, there can be a ‘battle’ going on between their neonatal reflexes and the voluntary movement and higher level thinking they need to learn, including reading and writing skills. Consequently, dysgraphia and dyslexia symptoms can result.

So what may seem like an inability or unwillingness to learn may actually be beyond your child’s control.

Will my child grow out of their dysgraphia or dyslexia?

Not on their own, no.

Dysgraphia or dyslexia symptoms often stem from retained neonatal reflexes. These neonatal reflexes are generally inhibited or ‘put to sleep’ between 4-6 months of age. Once this sensitive period has passed, the integration no longer happens through maturation. Children will no longer ‘grow out of’ these reflexes. Many adults with the same kind of symptoms would have retained neonatal reflexes. The window of opportunity has essentially closed. However, Retrain the brain offers therapies that go back and give the brain a second chance at integrating these reflexes.

Children whose dysgraphia or dyslexia symptoms are not addressed may experience frustration, delayed learning and development, and self-esteem challenges. They will certainly notice they are different to their classmates.

What do I do now?

I can help you and your child by performing a non-invasive assessment (an assessment of your child’s physical abilities), which allows me to then treat the symptoms of dysgraphia & or dyslexia.

This assessment and treatment can also help with any other learning difficulties your child may be experiencing. The assessment detects any retained reflexes, and identifies signs of immaturity in many areas: from the general coordination and balance your child needs for posture and sitting still, to the eye movements and coordination they need to read, write, copy, or catch a ball.

Is there anything that can be done to help my child with dysgraphia and dyslexia?

Yes. The good news is that a lot of dysgraphia and dyslexia symptoms can be resolved.

How?

Our brains have the ability to change in response to our experiences. With retraining, anyone’s brain can change, including your child’s.

I use two methods to support you or your child to integrate their retained neonatal reflexes. Both are totally drug-free and non-invasive therapies. ‘Brain Therapy for Neonatal Reflexes and General Reflexes in Adults and Children’ was developed by Bruno Chikly of the Chikly Health Institute.

The second method (called the INPP method because it was created by the Institute for Neuro-Physiological Psychology) is movement-based therapy.

Both methods focus on why your child’s dysgraphia or dyslexia exist. Unlike some other therapies, they treat the underlying cause of the symptoms (CNS immaturity), and not just the symptoms themselves.

Once I’ve completed an assessment, I can evaluate and quickly treat your child’s reflexes and ultimately the cause of the learning difficulties.

Once the underlying cause is pinpointed and treated, many of your child’s symptoms will disappear.

How do I know this therapy will work?

Retrain the Brain offers research-based programs proven to support your child’s brain development, learning, and health. The INPP was established in 1975. Since then they’ve developed trusted ways to pinpoint and assess signs of CNS immaturity in children.

Parts of the INPP method have also been independently researched via more than 20 studies published in peer-reviewed journals.

I’ve been trained in both the INPP method and in Brain Therapy for Neonatal Reflexes and General Reflexes in Adults and Children. I’ve seen first hand that they work. I’d love to help make a difference to you and your child.

Your child’s dysgraphia or dyslexia symptoms are common and more importantly, there is help available. For an initial interest pack to see if an assessment would be helpful, please contact me.

INPP Research

Skye Learning Disabilities
Dyslexia Perth

Scientific research has shown that a child’s brain develops fastest in the earliest years of life. We now know the crucial importance of the correct stimulation during this period to improve a child’s development intellectually, physically, and emotionally and to help lay down solid foundations that will allow children to maximize their future learning abilities. We also now know that a lack of these developmental opportunities can result in motor delay and learning difficulties.

There is a direct relationship between activities and the stimulation children receive when they are babies and young children and their ability to do well at school. Extensive research has shown that the better a young child’s neurophysiological development, the better will be their ability to read and learn. Neurophysiological development occurs when the brain creates the connections as it learns about the body, the world around it and learns to move in response.

Retrain the Brain can offer you research-based programs proven to support brain development, learning & health. The first five years of a child’s life are the most important for brain development, learning, and mental health. However, once children are at school and difficulties are apparent all is not lost! With Retrain the brain you can go back. Through Primitive Reflex integration and JIAS sound Therapy and family coaching programs, you can retrain your brain and give you or your children a second chance to make learning and life easier.

Improving Educational Attainment Through Movement Programs

Further evidence that intervention in the form of movement programs aimed at the level of primitive reflexes improves education. Researchers include:

2006 Hunter Pauline MA, University of Middlesex
This effectiveness of a developmental exercise program, designed to be used with children with special needs.

2005 Goddard Blythe SA*
Releasing educational potential through movement. Child Care in Practice, Volume 11/4: 415 – 432.

2003 Preedy P, O’Donovon C, Scott J, Wolinski R*
Exercises for learning – a Beacon Project between Knowle CE Primary School and Kingsley Preparatory School.

2003 Jändling M*
A follow-up study of a group of children, two years after they had completed the INPP Developmental Exercise Program for Schools. Results demonstrated that the children had maintained the gains they had made two years earlier.

2002 Bertram S*
A report prepared for The Birmingham Core Skills Partnership studying learning enhancement through reflex inhibition.

2001 Pettman H*
This study demonstrated the effects of developmental exercise movements on children with persistent primary reflexes and reading difficulties using a controlled trial.

2001 Bein-Wierzbinski W*
This paper studied children with specific learning difficulties, persistent primitive reflexes in elementary school children and the effect on oculo-motor and visual perception.

2000 Lancet, McPhillps, Hepper and Mulhern*
A double blind controlled study examining the effects of replicating primary reflex movements on specific reading difficulties in children.

1997 University of Indianapolis*
O’Dell and Cooke found Bender’s exercises based on movements involving creeping (crawling) against resistance were of value in overcoming hyperactivity. Stopping Hyperactivity – A New Solution (Avery Pubs, NY).

1989 Faulkner P (Bucks School)*
A study investigating the effects of a reflex stimulation and inhibition program on reading.

Dala Clinic Report*
Gothenberg examined the impact of a reflex inhibition program on educational achievement in a group of 15 children diagnosed with specific learning difficulties.

NB: *Indicates use of INPP Program

Reflex Stimulation and Inhibition Programs

For many years, INPP has researched reflexes, education and efficacy of reflex stimulation and inhibition programs. Researchers include:

2005 Goddard Blythe SA*
Releasing educational potential through movement. Child Care in Practice, Volume 11/4: 415 – 432.

Research into the relationship between abnormal reflexes and reading problems, and the efficacy of The INPP Program for Schools is ongoing in several schools in Northumberland and Tyne and Wear.

2004 Taylor M, Houghton S, Chapman E
Primitive reflexes and Attention Deficit Disorder: developmental origins of classroom dysfunction. International Journal of Special Education (Vol. 19/1)

2003 Kesper G
This paper studies the effects of persisting infantile reflexes on motor behavior and central processing.

2001 Goddard Blythe SA
This study examined Neuro-Developmental factors in 54 children who had received an independent diagnosis of dyslexia. All participants displayed evidence of abnormal ATNR and TLR, together with other Neuro-Developmental factors.

1998 British Journal of Occupational Therapy
Goddard Blythe and Hyland researched the reliability of a screening questionnaire to identify children who might have a degree of underlying NDD. Screening for Neurological Dysfunction in the Specific Learning Difficulty Child (10/98).

1994 University of Newcastle-Upon-Tyne
Wilkinson replicated Rider’s study and found a link between abnormal primitive reflexes, learning difficulty and underachievement.

1976 University of Purdue
Bender examined the effect of one reflex – the STNR on education – and found it present in 75% of a group of learning disabled children. It was not present in a comparison group of children with no history of learning disabilities. She developed exercises designed to inhibit the STNR and many children improved. The Bender Purdue Reflex Test (Academic Therapy Publications, CA).

1971 University of Kansas
Rider (O.T.) assessed the prevalence of abnormal reflex responses by comparing normal second grade children to a group of learning disabled children. Children with normal reflexes scored consistently higher on achievement tests than those with abnormal reflexes.

1970 University of Kansas
Gustaffson (O.T.) compared the reflex levels of a group of neurologically impaired children with a group of children with no known neurological impairment and found all the children with neurological impairment had abnormal reflexes.

NB: This list is only a sample of research in the field.
NB: *Indicates use of INPP Program

Neuromotor Immaturity as a Factor in Under-achievement

Screening for Neurological Dysfunction in the Specific Learning Difficulty Child
Authors: Blythe, Sally Goddard; Hyland, David
Source: The British Journal of Occupational Therapy, Volume 61, Number 10, October 1998 , pp. 459-464(6)
Publisher: College of Occupational Therapists

Abstract:
A developmental questionnaire was given to the parents of 140 children. Seventy of the children had a history of specific learning difficulties which had not responded to normal remedial education. The remaining 70 had no history of specific learning difficulties. The research was undertaken to ascertain whether the developmental questionnaire could be used as a reliable instrument to detect the neuro-developmental delay underlying the specific learning difficulties and preventing remedial intervention from being effective.

The results revealed that the screening questionnaire did discriminate between the two populations. At a 98% confidence level, a child with a score of 7 or more belonged to the specific learning difficulty group and a child scoring 2 or less did not. A score of 7 or more is therefore necessary to identify a neuro-developmentally based specific learning difficulty. The two populations were also compared on individual questions to identify which early developmental factors were significant in predicting later learning difficulties when viewed as part of a developmental profile.

Neurological Dysfunction as a Significant Factor in Children with Dyslexia
Author: Blythe, Sally Goddard
Source: The Journal of Behavioral Optometry, Volume 12, Number 6, 2001, Page 145

Abstract:
It is an accepted medical fact* that the continued presence of primitive reflexes above the age of six months and the absence or under-development of postural reflexes beyond three and a half years of age are reliable indicators of neurological dysfunction, which can affect both motor and perceptual development. A series of standardised neurological tests for abnormal reflexes were carried out on a sample of 54 children who had previously received an independent diagnosis of Dyslexia, to see if neurological dysfunction was a significant factor underlying their Dyslexic symptoms. Additional tests were carried out to assess oculo-motor functioning, visual-perceptual performance and cerebellar involvement including dysdiadochokinesia to see if other areas related to motor development were also a significant factor in the sample.

Abnormal primitive and postural reflexes were found to be a universal underlying factor in this sample. A high percentage of the sample also demonstrated difficulties with oculo-motor functioning, visual-perceptual skills and dysdiadochokinesia, suggesting a positive relationship between abnormal reflex activity and immature postural, motor and visual functioning.

Neuromotor Immaturity and Intervention

Neuro-motor Maturity as an Indicator of Developmental Readiness for Education
Author: Blythe, Sally Goddard
Source: Ruch, Wzrok, Słuch – Podstawa Uczenia Się/Movement, Vision, Hearing – The Basis of Learning, Pages 121-136

Abstract:
Two independent projects were undertaken with 64 children in schools in Northumberland and Berkshire to investigate whether neuro-motor immaturity, defined by the continued presence of three primitive reflexes, was present in children in mainstream primary schools in the United Kingdom. Children were also assessed for performance in reading, writing, spelling, maths and drawing using SATS results or the Salford Sentence Reading Test.

In Northumberland, 52 children age 7 – 8 years were divided into two intervention groups: One group took part in a daily programme of developmental movements (The INPP Program); the other group participated in a less specific program of daily physical exercises (The Activate Program) for one academic year.

In Berkshire, 12 children who had been identified as under-performing in reading, spelling or handwriting were assessed using the Salford Sentence Reading Test. Six children participated in The INPP Program at school every day for one academic year. The results of both groups on the Salford Reading Test were compared at the end of the year.

The results indicated that neuro-motor immaturity was present in 88.5% of children age 7–8 years and 40 % of children age 4-6 years in the Northumberland sample. There was a correlation between higher scores on tests for retained primitive reflexes and lower performance on the Draw a Person test. Children in the INPP group in the Northumberland study showed a significantly greater decrease in scores for abnormal reflexes (an indication of increased maturity in neuro-motor skills) than children in the Activate group following intervention. There was no significant difference between the INPP and Activate groups on SATS scores for reading, writing, spelling and maths.

Six children who followed The INPP Program for one academic year in Berkshire showed significant improvements on the Salford Sentence Reading Test at the end of the year compared to six children who did not take part in The INPP Program.

Physical Foundations for Learning
Author: Blythe, Sally Goddard
Source: Too Much, Too Soon – Early Learning and the Erosion of Childhood, Pages 131-146

Abstract:
Learning is not all in the mind but is also a physical activity. 1 One of the first tasks a young child needs to master is physical control of his body in space, with movement experience acting as both the challenge and the teacher. Throughout life, movement acts as the primary medium through which information derived from the senses is integrated, and knowledge of the world is expressed. Even thought and perception are an internalized simulation of action.2 A child’s motor abilities are therefore essential tools for learning, and motor skills at different stages of development provide a reflection of maturity in the functioning of the central nervous system – the relationship between the brain and body- which provides the foun­dation for learning.

A child’s brain is not the same as an adult brain. Different regions of the cerebral cortex, the largest structure of the forebrain which contains the higher brain centres controlling intellectual, sensory and motor functions, mature at different rates. The first area to mature is the motor area, followed by the sensory area, with association areas being the last to mature, continuing growth into the twenties or thirties. 3 The higher problems of thinking, planning and problem solving performed by the frontal lobes take years to develop.4

At birth, connections to the superficial layer of the cortex are only tenuously formed. The neonate is equipped with a series of survival responses to various environmental stimuli which enable him to breathe, to ‘root’ or search for the breast if the side of his face is touched, to suckle and to grasp if something is placed in the palm of his hand, or pressure is applied to the soles of his feet. He also has a series of reflexes which evoke responses to change in position.

Neuro Motor Development and National Curriculum Attainment
Author: Peter Griffin, Open Doors Therapy
Source: A study of 114 ‘Key Stage 1’ children, at Bentley West School, Walsall, to see if certain physical
immaturities (Neuromotor Delay), might act as a barrier to attainment

Abstract:
‘Neuromotor Delay’ is described by Sally Goddard Blythe, in ‘Assessing Neuromotor Readiness for Learning’, as the ‘retention of immature patterns of movement control’ (page 4). Her book outlines developmental screening tests for children and intervention programs. There is clear evidence, both from clinical practice and research, to show that ‘Neuromotor Immaturity’ is a barrier to some children’s learning, and that if this barrier is removed, through a specific exercise program, the children can better access what a school has to offer.
The screening for 4-7 year olds includes assessing:

  • aspects of neuromotor maturity;
  • the presence of primitive (baby) reflexes;
  • visual perception and visual motor integration.

 

Bentley West School have used the developmental screening tests to assess their KS1 children and are now targeting s children with the INPP exercise program. It is too early yet to come to a judgement about the efficacy of the program. However we can interrogate the data to see if there is any link between various aspects of ‘Neuromotor Immaturity‘ and the children’s attainment against National Expectation.

Research looks at ‘Neuromotor Delay’, primitive reflexes, balance, crawling and finger/thumb opposition.

Does your child need a learning difficulties assessment?

Skye Learning Disabilities , ,
learning difficulties assessment

If you’re reading this, you may be concerned that your child has learning difficulties, and needs a learning difficulties assessment. If so, you’re certainly not alone. Many children and their parents or careers have the same experience.

Here we’ll discuss what learning difficulties actually are, the symptoms your child may be displaying, why children have them, and how a learning difficulties assessment can help. Click here for more info

What are learning difficulties?

Firstly, let’s define learning difficulties. Learning difficulties describes a set of challenges children can have when learning and/or applying listening, speaking, reading, writing, reasoning, movement, or numerical skills. These challenges usually start to appear between the ages of 4 and 7, but they can also start earlier. Please know that learning difficulties are in no way connected to low intelligence.

We might shrug them off by thinking or saying that our children are ‘off with the fairies’, or ‘easily distracted’, however there may be a deeper issue.

What are the signs my child needs a learning difficulties assessment?

The signs (symptoms) of a learning difficulty aren’t the same in all children, and can vary significantly from one child to the next. They include:

Why can't my child learn maths Joondanna
  • Difficulty writing
  • Difficulty speaking
  • Speech articulation problems
  • Problems writing
  • Problems reading
  • Problems spelling
  • Problems with math
  • Difficulty telling time
  • Problems concentrating
  • Problems with attention span
  • Inability to sit still
  • Inability to stay silent
  • Educational underachievement
  • Problems processing auditory input
  • Difficulties learning to swim
  • Difficulties learning to ride a two-wheeled bike
  • Clumsiness
  • Coordination or hand-eye coordination difficulties
  • Difficulty learning to dress (doing up buttons, tying shoelaces, putting clothes on the right way around)
  • Difficulty using a knife and fork
  • Difficulty catching a ball
  • Immature pencil grip
  • Physical education difficulties
  • Your child doesn’t yet consistently favor one side of the body (left or right hand, foot, or ear)
  • Travel sickness
  • Was early (10 months) or late (16 months) to learn to walk
  • Was late to learn to talk
  • Poor impulse control

The Underlying challenges behind many learning disability diagnoses

Specific learning difficulties or learning disability diagnoses can sometimes stem from problems with central nervous system (CNS) function. These challenges can include:

What affects CNS function and therefore learning difficulties?

All children are born with an essential group of reflexes that protect their bodies (via involuntary movement), develop muscle tone, and create brain connections. These are called ‘neonatal reflexes and general reflexes’.

Children’s bodies usually integrate or ‘turn off’ these reflexes as they develop and as their brains become more sophisticated. But in some cases, their bodies ‘hang on’ to these reflexes for longer than they really need them. This can prevent children’s brains and CNS from maturing in the optimal timeframe, limiting higher brain function and voluntary movement patterns.

This creates a ‘battle’ between the old reflexes (involuntary movement your child was born with) and the voluntary movement and other skills they need to learn.

So what may seem like an inability or unwillingness to learn may actually be beyond your child’s control.

Does my child really need help with infant reflexes?

Yes. Here’s why: your child’s first five years are critical to their brain development, learning, and mental health. Children’s brains develop very quickly during that time, when the right kind of stimulation can make all the difference to your child’s development, and their ability to do well at school.

Even if your child is already at school and showing symptoms, it’s OK. With Retrain the Brain, you can start again and give your child a second chance, making their learning and life easier. It all starts with a learning difficulties assessment. Click here for more information.

Children whose learning difficulties aren’t addressed may experience delayed learning and physical development, and self-esteem challenges. They will certainly notice they are different from their classmates.

My child needs a learning difficulties assessment – what do I do now?

I can help you and your child by performing a detailed, non-invasive learning difficulties assessment (an assessment of your child’s physical abilities).

This assessment helps to detect any retained reflexes, and identifies signs of immaturity in many areas: from the general coordination and balance your child needs for posture and sitting still, to the eye movements and coordination they need to read, write, copy, or catch a ball.

Is there anything that can be done to help my child?

Absolutely, yes! The good news is that these challenges are far from permanent. They can be resolved.

How?

Have you heard the term ‘neuroplasticity’? It’s more than a buzzword. It refers to the brain changing in response to our experiences. Yes, your brain can change! Anyone’s brain can change through retraining, including your child’s.

I offer two methods for reflex integration which help the maturation of you or your child’s CNS. They are drug-free, non-invasive programs. The first is Brain Therapy for Neonatal Reflexes and General Reflexes in Adults and Children.

The second method (called the INPP method because it was created by the Institute for Neuro-Physiological Psychology) is movement-based therapy.

Both methods focus on why your child’s learning difficulties exist. Unlike some other therapies, they treat the underlying cause (CNS immaturity) and not just the symptoms I’ve listed above.

Following a complete assessment, I can evaluate and treat your child’s learning difficulty symptoms.

And guess what? Once the underlying cause is identified and treated, a lot of your child’s symptoms will disappear.

How do I know this therapy will work?

Retrain the Brain offers research-based programs proven to support your child’s brain development, learning, and health. The INPP has been around since 1975. Since that time, they have developed reliable methods of identifying and assessing signs of CNS immaturity in children and adults.

Parts of the INPP method have also been independently researched via over 20 studies published in peer-reviewed journals.

I’ve received training in the INPP method and in Brain Therapy for Neonatal Reflexes and General Reflexes in Adults and Children and I know they work; I’ve seen it happen. I’d love to help make a difference for you and your child’s learning and life.

Please know there’s help out there! You’re not alone. Your child’s learning difficulties are common and more importantly, there is a solution. For an initial interest pack to see if a learning difficulties assessment would be helpful, please contact me.

How taking responsibility gives you back your power

Skye Empowerment ,
NLP practitioner coach

Growing up my Dad ate raw onion like an apple. I am sure that’s why I can’t stand raw onion and my brother is allergic! It is safe to say I am not a fan. Now a cooked onion, that’s a different story. The smell of onion sizzling in a pan and on a burger, now that’s delicious!

A simple change can shift one’s perception and make all the difference.

I have worked on change in my own life over the last decade and recently a simple change in perception has made all the difference for me.

There was a day almost 10 years ago, a Tuesday that I remember so clearly. I drew a line in the sand that day and made the decision that I could not keep going as I was. My life wasn’t bringing me joy, I was lost and I didn’t know how to fix it. Everything I did up to that point hadn’t worked, I had to do something different. I figured help and new information was out there. So I started looking.

I became aware that I was responsible for the challenges in my life

Once I acknowledged I had got myself to that point, I realized I was the only one that could get me out. I took back my personal power by accepting responsibility for it all. (Which is very different to self blame and I went there for a while too, but that’s for another tale). I started to see that my choices matter.

And so the opening of the onion began. As each new realization came I learned and grew. I had moments of ‘this must be it!’ Now I must be done. I had come so far, but it was like a never ending pass the parcel. Just as another layer came off there was a blasted new one to discover and unwrap. A few times it went from plain brown paper to colored wrap and I was convinced I was at the precipice. And yet on I went. I was so over that bloody onion. I believed that I had to get to the end, to that last layer to be happy. The end was my goal. Well that just served to push the mirage further out of reach.

Relish the onion

Until one of those layers showed me the joy in the unwrapping and the purpose it gave. Why do we love unwrapping gifts? It’s the unknowntaking responsibility and its potential. I suddenly realised that there is excitement and joy that comes with learning and sharing and growing. That’s the endgame. There is always more. And thank goodness! Imagine if we knew it all and had it all and we were done. In my opinion when you’re done, you’re dead.

I now relish the onion as each layer is a gift. I am excited to understand myself and the world more and more each day. The ups are joyous and the downs are exciting for the potential they hold. Because it’s an opportunity for greater love, and joy through our own evolution.

You can make the change right now

The nice part too is that it doesn’t need to take a decade, you can enjoy the journey and everything life has to offer now! You can have it now!

Photo by Burhan Rexhepi on Unsplash

Do you feel like you are hiding who you really are?

Skye Fear ,
Mental Breakdown Leederville

I thought about a comment a friend made recently. She said out loud what has been replaying in my head for so long. She said that I don’t share my news and life easily. She would be bursting to say what was happening and going on if in my shoes.

This wasn’t news to me, I knew I hid a lot of what was going on for me, and I just hadn’t worked out how to change. I felt embarrassed most of the time, I felt like my life was just one disaster after another. I’d learned as most of us do to believe that being wrong was bad.

I felt like I shouldn’t make mistakes. That only right was good and ok.

So I hid all my mistakes, my life, and myself away because it’s not perfect. I waited to have the ‘right outcome’ before I would talk about what I was doing, so if it didn’t work out ‘right’ or ‘perfectly’ I could hide from it.

I didn’t want to put myself out there for fear of failure or being judged.

I had been choosing fear. Fear that I wouldn’t be accepted? or Valued? or Loved? And do you know what, it’s just a conclusion I came to years ago to protect myself, and maybe at that time it did protect me? If you don’t share yourself you can’t be teased or ridiculed. But it became maladaptive, keeping me in fear, holding me back from sharing my real self.

The realisation came slowly but powerfully.feel like you are hiding

No one is going to accept, value, or love me until I do that for myself. We get so distracted with the outside world that we believe we need others to show us respect in order to feel respected. Need others to love us to feel love. Others to value us to feel valued. We have forgotten that we are the creators. That we are making the choices, we are choosing the thoughts and behaviors every minute of our lives that culminate in how we feel moment to moment.

I decided to stop choosing fear

Are you choosing fear? Is it keeping you from taking a risk? Do you feel like you are hiding who you really are?
Once this belief was in my awareness I could change it, and I have…this blog is a testament to that! want to learn how too?

Beautiful photo from Unsplash– Chase fade (Thank you)

Developing Confidence in yourself

Skye Relationships, Release Stress, Teenage Support , ,
Developing confidence Mount Hawthorn

How to start developing confidence in your teens

It’s an exciting time being a teenager. The whole world is beginning to open up and the curve of change is exponential. Year upon year and sometimes moment upon moment the new information and opportunities available can be both exhilarating and terrifying.

When you are younger your whole world revolves around your parents and home life; in your teenage years this shifts. Of course your parents and families will always be hugely important to you. But your main orientation for guidance and where you spend most of your time can start to shift.

Friends, girlfriends & boyfriends become more important to you and may overtake the number one spot that your parents used to hold.

Developing Confidence in yourself

This can be a real battle for control. Parents can be fearful of that change in orientation and fights can erupt.

The thing is if you take your moral cues, and the opinions and point of authority from your peers as opposed to your parents this can create huge change in your life in a very short space of time. It’s scary for parents when they see they are no longer the strongest voice in your life. Like it or not your parents love you and want the best for you. They may not always know the best way to show you, or to do it, however the intention is strong.

Believe it or not your peer group does not necessarily have your best interest at heart, their own interests will usually win out.

Now if this group’s opinion and approval is suddenly of paramount importance to you, it can create huge behavioral change both positive and negative. A lot of the following challenges you might be facing are exacerbated by looking to your peers instead of your parents.

Stress management for teens Perth
  • Self esteem
  • Self worth
  • Body image
  • Self confidence
  • School achievement
  • Stress
  • Bullying
  • depression
  • Cyber addiction
  • Smoking/ drinking/ drug use
  • Teen Pregnancy
  • Underage Sex
  • Pushing back against parental authority
  • Peer-Pressure and Competition

So what is the solution? You can’t be looking to your parents forever, you need some independence and to start to find your own way, right.

But you want your parents in your life and what they think is important to you.

The solution is to take back your power. Rather than an external orientation whether towards your parents or your peers what you really want is an internal locus of control. You can gain your self worth from you. Not have it tied to what your parents think, or your girlfriend or boyfriend or your friends.

This is the key to building self confidence and building self esteem.

If how we feel is tied to whether a girl returns our greeting or we have the right kind of shoes on we have given given our power away. We are at the mercy of other people’s choices. We are up and down like yoyo’s and if all our self confidence and self worth is tied to that, we are tremendously vulnerable. The reality is we all want to do the best we can, please the ones we love and make a difference in our own way and that has to be created from within.

As a teenager you start realizing that you can’t rely on your parents for everything anymore however you can’t rely on your peers to fill that space either. You are the only one that can create the life you want and that means looking at your own thoughts, and values and what is driving your behaviors.

So how do you do it?

Family Coaching offers sessions that specifically work with you and your parents to support this process. It allows you to take ownership of your choices, your direction and your goals. It also supports your parents to follow what they want and achieve their parenting goals. The process step by step builds self confidence and self worth. It brings everyone onto the same page taking responsibility and creating the family life that you want and that works for you.

Book a Coaching call today

 

The danger of Positive Pretending- positive thinking gone wrong.

Skye Emotions, Gratitiude, Stress ,
The danger of Positive Pretending- positive thinking gone wrong.

I am a pretty jovial kind of gal and given my line of work I find it easier and easier to focus on the joy, seek out the love, and dwell on the good stuff. However sometimes I can’t help but notice people recoil at positivity, roll their eyes and mutter oh yeah “positive thinking” and seem irritated by it. They are right, it doesn’t work… if you don’t mean it!

coping with stress Wembley

How many times have you gone on a spiel about whatever problem you have only to sum it up with some upbeat about face like “but it will all work itself out” or “first world problems” or some attempt to see the upside?

We know enough to get that being more positive is good for us, and we truly want to be.

However ‘positive thinking’ is not the answer, not in the sense that most use it. Because it’s not actually positive thinking that we are doing. It’s positive pretending! If you are tearing your hair out on the inside and spouting some positive rubbish on the outside who are you kidding? Everyone else may buy it but you know.

What we do is outwardly chortle that everything will be fine, while internally believing the contrary.

Natter on about how everything is happy and perfect and all the while on the inside listing all the stuff we are not happy about. Add Facebook, Instagram, and whatever else you are using to paint a rosy picture of your life and we are doing a hell of a job being positive talkers aka positive pretenders. However, on the inside, there is a huge amount of internal conflict. The longer Pinocchio’s nose grows the more uncomfortable it becomes. The greater the disparity between the pretense, and what we are actually saying to ourselves in our head, the greater the feelings of negativity. So positive pretending just creates more bad feelings and “Positive Thinking” gets a bad rap.

You may or may not know that I once sold Tupperware. YUP. Now this company is mega supportive, shares heaps of awesome tools, and offers a great option for earning money. And they know their psychology, the power of positivity, hey one of their catchphrases is “love what you do”. They are so right. (And now I so do!)

So I took it all on and was the positive talking master, however the inward dialogue was the complete opposite. I hated it. Nothing to do with Tupperware, I would have hated whatever I was doing. I had just had my third child and I was resentful that circumstances were such I felt I had to work. Every time I sang the praises of the job it was like another knife to my heart. The more positive I pretended life was, the more dangerous it became for the feelings it generated. I was not honest with myself and the internal conflict escalated. Positive pretending feels really really BAD.

What we need, and are searching for are positive feelings.

It’s not positive talking we are after, it’s feeling positive. And yes our thoughts create our feelings so we want the positive thoughts, however they need to be REAL. You need to believe it! Because you are an amazing, intelligent, creative, intuitive, being and you can’t lie to yourself. Nothing is getting by you! NOTHING!!!! It does not matter what you tell the world, it’s what you tell yourself that actually creates your life. What positive thinking really is, is having the positive INTERNAL dialogue that creates good feelings which creates a good life.

The catch is what we are consciously aware of is just the tip of the iceberg.

The majority of our thoughts are unconscious. They were programmed in mostly as children and we have no idea they are running. Just like the apps on our phone chewing up the battery we have no idea are on. How do we work out what beliefs are programmed in? Bring them to our conscious awareness.

Try this- if you say: I am awesome, I am wonderful and I am beautiful and you feel uncomfortable, uneasy… anything but good feelings, then you have thoughts to the contrary running unconsciously (and possibly consciously too). And day in day out they are driving your feelings and your experiences. This is why many people are not good at accepting compliments, because it highlights a mismatch with their internal dialogue consciously and or unconsciously. What is positive pretending? A mismatch with our internal dialogue consciously and or unconsciously with our external dialogue.

I if you want to find out what unconscious programs you have running your life, then hit me up. That’s what I do, coach people to let go of the anger, sadness, fear, hurt & guilt, and limiting thoughts that run havoc day in day out without them even knowing.

In the mean time work on what is conscious.

Stop pretending and actually focus on what IS good in your life. The more you put your energy and attention on what you ARE grateful for the better you will feel. The better you feel the more good stuff you will notice.

nlp master coach

Try this experiment:

  1. Ditch the pretending and be a positive feeler. For the next 24 hrs, I want you to be conscious of your feelings. If they are not good see if you can work out what thoughts are driving them- they’ll usually be thoughts of things you don’t want. So next- just stop focusing on what you don’t want (aka complaining) and focus on what you do want.
  2. LOOK for the good and see how it makes you feel. Make a list of all the things you are grateful for and stop joining in the gossip, the complaining, fear-mongering… and everything else that is pouring your energy into negativity. Yes, stuff happens, so take some deep breaths and let it pass. Now list everything that is good and wonderful in your life. You may be pleasantly surprised!

(TIP: Be very, very specific, .i.e. Your child is supposed to be doing homework, instead they are sharpening all their pencils and you have to leave for soccer in 15 min: I love that my son has sat down to get his homework done, I love that he is taking pride and looking after his things. I love that he has great posture, I love that he is focused on a task…. you get the deal. If you’re an overachiever IMAGINE/VISUALISE them doing what you want done ) And let me know how you go!

Stories have the power to change

Skye Gratitiude
story of the little mouse

story of the little mouseI am a bit prone to the odd story (you may have noticed). My kids have been entertained over the years by many a tale and fictitious character. 5 years on, even my 12 year old will still request a “Lily story”. Lily is the youngest of 4 children in the Dinklebrot family, and keeps her 3 older brothers and parents well entertained. And then there is Gloria, the Irish lady that has been materializing at the bathroom sink for about 9 years. Her dodgy accent and playful nature has won over the most stubborn teeth brushing refusal- time and time again.

I guess I have always appreciated the power of a story.

Our 3 kids go girl, boy, girl. So our son is sandwiched in between the girls. And being female I can only guess what it must be like to be a male. But let’s face it, none of us ladies really get it, Right?

Why he runs to his sisters to be as close as possible when he needs to fart. Burping has to be done in someone’s face. The rugby tackles, headlocks, balls to the face at point-blank range, Climbing on everything (including his sisters….and parents. Shouting ‘specky’ and catching an ‘air footy’ does not make that ok!) playing his snorkel like a trumpet until your ears ring. Do I need to go on? I’m sure anyone who has a brother or son is on my wavelength. (It’s only funny because it’s true.)

My natural go-to of course is drawing attention to what I want him to STOP doing! That’s important, but I also know that what you focus on you get more of. I see this case in point because the more I am on his case, the worse his behavior seems to get. And the more our relationship is impacted and not for the better.

The thing is, there is no such thing as a resistant person, only inflexible communicators.

I hear you say, Huh?

Human interaction is essentially communication. We’re all trying to say something in order to get something or give something. Whether we are successful in our communication is evident by the result. It either works or it doesn’t.

As the person communicating we tend to do it in a way that makes sense to us, what would work if we were the recipient, what is easiest for us, or how we are in a habit of doing it. Now the recipient either takes it on board and the result is achieved or they don’t understand or reject it. At this point there is nothing more the recipient can do. But there is more the communicator can do. They can change the way they are communicating! Do something different, say it a different way, add more detail, be more abstract…. go through the back door rather than the front.

There are various possibilities for the communicator to change their ‘method’ to increase understanding or acceptance. Hence the statement there is no such thing as a resistant person only inflexible communicators.

As communicators we get stuck in the same pattern, or habit of delivery and we choose to refuse to communicate differently. Can you hear yourself saying “I’ve tried everything”…. what we are really saying is ‘everything’ I can think of, or am prepared to do. Just think of your kid refusing to put on their seatbelt for you. Then dad/mum/grandma comes along and says or does something differently and on it goes without protest. Remember too our nonverbal communication is still communication.

This dawns on me as I wake up to the dulcet tones of my eldest screeching “Why do you always come and fart right next to me! I’ve asked you to stop doing it”. Ahhhh good morning. So I find my son in his room a bit later and I decide that I need to find a form of communication that is going to get me better results!

I begin:

There was this little mouse, that loved all the other mice so much. Whenever it saw them it just wanted their attention. It would run up and dive on them, scratch them, chase them, pull their tails and squeeze them with all its might. Soon, every time the mouse got near the other mice they would run away. It started to feel sad and bad about itself. Then one day a little baby mouse came up to the mouse and it was so excited it jumped all over the mouse, over and over again. The mouse said “ouch that hurts, I don’t like it” and the baby mouse just kept on jumping. So the mouse said to the baby lets have a race instead and they ran as fast as they could back to their hole. It was so much fun they were laughing and laughing. The next day the baby mouse saw the mouse again and was so excited he came over and scratched the mouse all over. “Ouch that hurts, please stop it” said the mouse, only the baby kept doing it, until the mouse said lets climb up this blanket. They climbed up as high as they could before they fell off onto the floor laughing and rolling around, over and over they played. By the third day some of the other mice came over and were watching the mouse and the baby. By the end of the week the mouse had all the mice playing and having fun together. He had found a way to have fun that everyone liked.

Our unconscious minds are amazing and what happens anytime we hear information is what is called a “transderivational” search TDS. Where it searches for a link or a match in data. It looks to find a way for the information to relate to experiences and memories that we have from our past. It asks how does this relate to me? What can I take from this? While consciously our brain is busy enjoying the details and creating pictures of the little mice. Our unconscious mind is busy taking on the message and how it relates to our life.

I am not saying that now he respects his sisters completely and we haven’t had an incident since ( having said that, a few weeks on when I think of it the issue really has subsided. So much so that I can’t remember the last time something OF THAT NATURE occurred ;). What did happen is that he came and sat on my lap and ate his breakfast with me. Had I chastised his behaviour I dare say this would not have happened. My more flexible approach provided a greater connection with my son while still communicating the desired outcome.

It reminded me that there are so many ways we can communicate. Engaging children with stories, games and fun can be a wonderful way to get the results we are after.

Why not try out a tale or two and see where your flexibility takes you. All you need is a relatable and distant enough story that engages them cognitively so the message can slip by. Hence all the stories, fairy tales, and fables throughout history.

It’s the era of DIY & custom made so why not give it ago and create your own! (You also have permission to rip off “The story of the little mouse” 🙂

Photo from Unsplash by Giuseppe Martini

Three Dollars

Skye Uncategorized

Over the school holidays, I often give the kids a ‘sleepover’. My 3 are notorious ‘chatters’ and when they are in the same room together there is more high jinks than sleep, we invariably divide and conquer.

So on the holidays, I like to let them go nuts and have a family sleepover. They get to sleep in the same room, stay up later, have treats and a movie, play some games, and basically enjoy each other’s company. It’s a special treat that they love.

Where this tale begins is on the day of said event. We were all set for the big night and piled into the car to go treat shopping. Now I am a bit hardcore when it comes to sweets, I like them to eat nutritious meals and keep the junk to a minimum. So you can only imagine what it’s like for them to head to the supermarket to buy junk food! Their request lists were growing by the second and it was time to put up some boundaries. The latest was ice-creams so I said ‘only if they are on special’. Of course, all the while quietly praying they wouldn’t be!

I unleash these sugar-crazed kids on the supermarket and now that the flood gate was open they were really pushing hard to see how much they could loot. Every 10 seconds I had a new packet shoved in my face for approval. No, no, no, no yes that was on the list, no, no, no…So we had stuck ‘mostly’ to the original list and then it was time to head for the freezer section.

YES! The ice creams they wanted were not on special! Of course, they still asked. To which I triumphantly replied, “No, they’re not on special”. It was at this point that a strange turn of events sent me into a tailspin.

A lady came up to me with a box of icy poles in her hand. “These are only $2.80 for 20” I get them for my grandchildren and just keep them in the freezer, I can buy them for the kids”… I was rendered mute for a few seconds as I grappled with how, where, why… After a moment I recovered my composure and thanked her for her kindness, assured her she didn’t need to buy them, grabbed the box, and popped it in the trolley. Dazed and confused I wondered on.

I didn’t have the heart to refuse her kind intention for the kids, I had to buy those damn things now! Instead, I wondered how the situation had even come about? My motivation for refusing the ice-creams was to stem the flow of rubbish they were about to ingest. The price was just a convenient excuse. However, for this lady, I can only assume going without due to financial constraints really pulled on the heartstrings. She wanted to help my kids be spared the pain if she could help it.

The story doesn’t end there! She soon appeared out of nowhere, again, and thrust $3 into my hand! I just didn’t have the capacity to refuse her, it was so heartfelt. So now I stood even more dumbfounded holding $3 wondering “how on earth did I get here!” It was at this point that I shot a glance at my kids.

My youngest was wearing a hand me down Elsa (frozen) dress. You know the faux silk kind that collect every water drop as a decorative stain. She had also been in the garden digging in the dirt earlier so the sheer ‘white’ (I use that term loosely) sleeves had an inch cuff of mud. She had washed her hands which I guess accounted for all the water stains down the front. Did I mention the ripped collar??? Her hair was a mattered cluster of newly forming dread locks, well none of them had brushed their hair (come on, its holidays!) or were wearing shoes. If she’d been following us for any length of time she would have witnessed a barrage of “can I please have” “no” and I guess she joined some dots. Are you seeing how easy it is to add 2+2 and get 5.

So I got my derelict looking children home and pondered what had just happened. While they ate icy poles.

The thing is, we can only see the world through our own lens. It is our past experiences and the emotion that it triggers in us that makes us notice some details, and not others. Our brain can only process a fraction of the data that bombards us every second. So how do we choose what to notice and what to ignore? We notice what fits with our view of the world. What we believe to be true about the world. She saw 3 kids that couldn’t afford what they wanted. Maybe that was her experience as a child?

You see, our behaviour is driven by our beliefs. I would be very interested to know if she believes she can’t afford what she wants? She may have a lens through which she sees the world that says “I can’t afford that”. That underlying belief then gives the instruction to that part of the brain that chooses which tiny amount of the possible information in any one moment to focus on (RAS). So now she can’t see anything else.

Beliefs that are empowering get us focusing on what we want and ignoring what we don’t. Now they are the kinds of beliefs we want. Think about an area of your life where you really excel. You will have a bunch of beliefs that empower you, and an area where you’re not so happy. That’s where the beliefs are limiting. Limiting beliefs are driving your focus (RAS) so you are noticing the disempowering information over the rest.

I now have 3 dollars that sits in a neat little pile on my kitchen shelf. It’s a reminder. That we don’t see the world how IT really is, we see it how WE are. From our own perspective, our experiences, our genetics, our filters that only allow us to see things through our own lens.

Let me say that again, I keep it to remind me that we can ONLY see the world as we ARE and that others intentions, thoughts and experiences are interpreted by the way we are. The only meaning anything has is the meaning we give it. I remind myself to act with love and look for the kindness in others because I don’t know what pain and fear they may be running from. This woman did a tremendously sweet thing for my kids and that is enough.

Also a reminder that we can’t presume to know what unconscious beliefs are driving someone else’s behaviour. (Generally, they don’t even know- they’re unconscious beliefs.) Otherwise we can get 2+2=5

It’s a reminder for me to notice. To be more conscious of what beliefs are driving my own behaviours and decisions.

With greater awareness, we can create change. If you would like greater awareness and change you can.

“Our greatest tool for changing the world is our capacity to change our mind about the world.” Marianne Williamson

Photo from Upsplash Jed Villejo

WORK???

Skye Uncategorized

I always laugh when someone asks me what I do for work. It’s such a loose term ‘work’. Generally, they mean paid work. However for me ‘paid or not’ work is something you don’t want to do! and I like to do what I like to do, regardless of when, where, and for how much. I then assume the question is more ‘what do you choose to do with your time’? So for me, the lines are pretty blurry. It was always a challenge to answer. I felt like where do I start. I think I’m getting clearer these days.

I could say I am in Renovation. Literally, one of my businesses takes old homes and breathes new life into them so that someone can fall in love with them again. And I also coach people to fall in love with themselves again.

It always starts with excavation & demolition. Sometimes a sledgehammer is in order and I can really weld one of those. Other times I am more the archaeologist with the brush. Or on occasion, it’s so close to falling down I just have to push. The common thread is that it requires digging & dismantling what is not working. You know I am not talking about houses now, don’t you?

So maybe what I choose to do with my time is to get results. Or what I do for work is get results. Actually, that can’t be it. That’s what everyone does at work and everywhere. Not necessarily the results they want but everyone is getting results every second of every day. The results we don’t want tend to come with reasons (aka excuses).

In that case; I choose to spend my time working on getting the results I want for myself and those I work with. There!

So I guess that is why I am into renovation because once you remove what isn’t working it leaves room to notice what is. I empower people to realise they are so much more than what they perceive themselves to be. Just like an ugly, old home. There is so much more. Once you get rid of what you don’t want you can create what you do want.

and ‘viola’ you Love it again… you again… whichever way there is more loveliness  xxx

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